I've been accused of gestation twice in the past month.
The first time I was meeting with a client and he asked me when my baby was due. Luckily I didn't really follow what he was saying - I thought he was asking when I had my baby because I was pretty sure that he knew I was out on maternity leave. But then when I said December he looked confused and got quiet and I realized that he was throwing out an accusation.
The second time was a couple weeks ago. I was
So anyway, that apparent mutual disdain being the extent of our relationship, she felt it appropriate to hang her head out her car window, point her finger, and yell, "You're having another Bayyyyy-beeeee!!!"
And then I ate 10 bowls of pasta and delivered a 9 pound pasta baby who doesn't like milk but only eats lard like her mother and we all lived fat and happily ever after the end kthxbai.
No, really, I ignored the shit out of her and then ate soup and salad and had a great lunch with my BFF. I'd love to say that I made her feel like a real asshole by spouting out some really clever bitchy comment. I'd love that so much. But really I just forced myself to not care and move on because there isn't any scenario that makes me feel better about how I look or about how I know other people think I look. I have lost 9 pounds and I'll lose more but for right now this is as good as it gets and I'm not going to deny that I do, in fact, look pretty adorably pregnant for a nonpregnant person.
I was going to try to film a reenactment of the parking lot incident but it didn't work out. Sorry about that. I really think it could've been magical but some things just aren't meant to be and life is unfair, etc.