Thursday, January 6, 2011

In which I almost get someone kicked out of the NICU.

It's been a week since Evelyn and Ainsley were born. There have been a few bad days, a few good days, and a few good days with bad moments. Overall, I think we are doing well. Or as well as we can, which, what else can you do?
Actually, I know what else you can do. You can watch this video and then look me in the eye and tell me you didn't smile.

Tuesday was a bad day.

We waited until the afternoon to go see Ainsley.  We got there at around 1 and got to see her for a few minutes.  It was great because a couple friends stopped by to see her and also gave us delicious cupcakes and a whole bunch of beer.

About a half hour later, a tech showed up to take a head ultrasound.  Which was fine.   I had no desire to stay for that, because my itty bitty doesn't like anyone touching her unless they intend to hold her.  And I don't like to see her cry.

So I went to pump, and Mark came with me.  This is when the horror started.  The horror being: First Postpartum Poop.  I know this is out of character for me?  But I'm going to totally spare you the details, except to say that IT DID NOT GO WELL.

About an hour later (because Postpartum Poop: SERIOUSLY, IT DID NOT GO WELL), we went back to the NICU to see Ainsley again.  Mark took the cupcakes and beer to the car and so I was alone.  I asked the nurse for the daily update, and I can't remember what else she said, but the update included, "she's really pale."

Now...this was just an unfortunate choice of words.  Evelyn was really pale.  That was actually the thing that my OB pointed out about her when we talked about what possibly went wrong.  He said he didn't see anything unusual when he examined her, except that she looked really pale.

Just as I was getting this update, alone in the NICU, ANOTHER tech with another machine came in to do another test on Ainsley.  And I had been there over and hour and had barely seen her, and we only had a babysitter for another hour. 

So I did the sensible thing: I lost my shit.

I lost my shit so badly that I went running from the NICU with snot running down to my chin (for I am an ugly, ugly cryer) and locked myself in the restroom while I had a real chest-heaving woe-is-me type cry, complete with groaning and awful faces.  It was an award winning performance.

I left the restroom when I thought I had it together.  But then some serious white trash asked me when my baby was due as soon as I opened the restroom door, and I started crying again.  I just kept walking toward the NICU and pretended not to hear. 

Wouldn't you know it?  The lady and her daughter (?) followed me right into the NICU. 

She: Oh!  You already had a baby! 
Me: * sob * Yep
She: What did you have?
Me: * sob sob sob* a girl
She: What did you name her?
Me: I'm sorry, I just don't feel like talking right now. * sob wipe snot off boob sob *
She: Wow, you're a real bitch!

IN THE NICU!!!  As in, they have a baby IN THE NICU AND CALLED ME A BITCH!  They followed me all the way back, and kept going after I went to Ainsley's room.

You guys?  I admit it.  I'm a bitch.  Like, a really big one.  I'm not an overly nice person and I am bitchy pretty much all the time.  But this time?  This day?  Not at all.  I was bawling, no exaggeration.  I have no fight left in me right now.  I was totally nice.  And...who sees someone bawling their eyes out and thinks that's an appropriate time to ask me when I'm due and then drill me with questions about my NICU baby?  You'd think of anyone, someone else with a baby in the NICU would understand.

Then the nurses heard me telling Mark what happened and went to find them and then asked if I wanted to call security.  No, I did not.  I wanted to go home and take my percocet and drink beer.  And if I'm being quite honest, a cupcake.  Percocet, cupcake, beer, the end.

And I seriously could not get my shit together.  I cried for about three hours that night.  It was very serious.  Mark almost drowned in the mucous from my nose because I ran out of tissues but not snot.  How does that happen?  Where does all this snot come from? 

Asshole snot. 

(Well...not asshole snot.  I'm calling snot an asshole.)

(Never mind.)

Anyway.  That was my first bad NICU day.  I'm sure it won't be my last. 

But then today?   Today was a good day.

Ainsley is a little NICU trooper.  She's breathing on her own.  She's slowly gaining weight.  They've increased her feedings every day and is digesting them with no problem.  She will be off the bilirubin lights on Friday or Saturday.  She will have her PICC line removed Friday or Saturday.

Every doctor and nurse says she's feisty.  That, or that she has attitude.  But she does love to be held.  You wouldn't believe how much we love her.


One Year Ago:  Ghosts of New Years Past
Two Years Ago:  Jennepper's New Year's Rockin Eve
Three Years Ago:  Goodbye 2007


*~*Lis*~* said...

Wow - seriously? They would have had to call security on me 'cuz someone would have gotten a woopin'!

You're doing amazing Jen - we know where Ainsley gets it! :)

JB said...

If you see White Trashy again, please, for your own sanity and the good of the human race, TACO-PUNCH her. For realz.

Your Ainsley is so sweet...kangaroo her to strong health and all the way home, mama!

waitingforbabyk said...

Thank God for moments like Oliva dancing with Mickey and snuggling with Ainsley to counter the NICU suck and the bitches in the NICU (can't believe that woman! WOW)

Julie said...

Whoa, that picture seriously has snot running out of MY nose. Postpartum NICU hormone business must be contagious because now I'm weepy, too.

Thanks for infecting me. Bitch.

Kristin said...

Way to be a rockstar for your mama Ainsley!

And thanks for making us all smile Olivia

Mandie said...

You don't even know me but I want you to know I love you. <3

Joanna said...

You're so strong. I would have lost my shit way worse I think. WTF is wrong with people like that woman, I'm sorry!

Mrs. Higrens said...


You would _think_ that a fellow NICUer would understand. Like I say, people are s.t.u.p.i.d. (But not you or any of your other readers/commenters who are all beautiful people inside and out.)

Ainsley is beautiful as well.

Princess LadyBug said...

You're not a bitch. She was an idiot. And probably a bitch too, but I didn't want to sound all judgey. Hang in there honey. Sooooo many people are praying for you guys & thinking about you guys. I mean like total strangers (like me) are sending tons of love too. That's gotta be good, right?

Sheila said...

I seriously would've punched White Trash in the throat. Seriously. So happy that Ainsley is doing great. And I echo what Mandie said...:)

Klynn said...

Long time lurker...first time commenter. As the mom to two preemies, 11 years apart (now 18, and 6 1/2 respectively), I must say that is the sweetest picture anyone could ever imagine. I totally remember the NICU tears on bad days. I also remember never being to escape the NICU without having at least one run in with at least one asshole (nurse or visitor). Hope your sweet Ainsley gets big and strong and comes home soon. Just wanted to let you know that there are lots of folks praying for you through this bittersweet time. <3

Courtney said...

She is beautiful!

I am with the first commenter. they so would have been callin security on me cause i would have flipped and beat a bitch down. How insensitive and just plain stupid.

Poppy said...

Some people have absolutely no common sense. After my grandson died (at my house mind you) one of my daughter in laws friends had the audacity to ask me what I did? Yes, she did. Bitch. So yeah, people...they're stupid.

And snot...snot manufactures at the speed of light and has NO end. Trust me on this. I have no idea how I survived all the snot and tears of the last two years. One of those strange happenings in life.

Ainsley is adorable and three cheers for feisty!

Keep hanging in there...never apologize to anyone for how you feel or act. Remember the only way through something like this is straight up the middle. The only way. It sucks ass more than you'll ever believe but it is what it is. One second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. One foot in front of the other and straight up the middle. Cry when you want to. Scream (I do, frequently) when you want to. Break things if you want to. Whatever...give yourself permission to do what you need to do to get through it.

And seriously, seriously consider grief counseling. Even if you feel you're doing ok, it's such a great help. I went for almost 11 months. Best thing I ever did for myself.

You are in my thoughts, always. If you ever need or want to talk...I'm at Sometimes it's good to talk to a complete stranger, yet someone who understands and has been there. You don't have to worry about what they think. So I'm offering myself up if you need to.


E said...

You need to cunt punch that bitch. Seriously. Or let me at her and I'll do it for you.

Cheryl said...

I so wish you'd called the NICU cops. Because that woman is a real Care Unit No Thanks, if you know what I mean.

Wendy said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with such a jerk. You did not deserve that in any way -- why would someone act that way towards someone whose child is in the NICU? I don't get it.

Your daughter is beautiful -thank you for sharing the picture. I've been thinking about you all day. I was telling my husband and my mom about your story...I remember reading your blog from years ago -- when we were first trying infertility treatments, including IVF, too. I know we don't know each other, but I feel like I know a lot about you. It hurts me to know what you're going through.

Thinking about you. Hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Kathleen said...

What a precious little girl she is!

1invermillion said...

Ainsley is a beautiful little fighter.

And I will never understand what the FUCK is wrong with people. We would all punch the shit out of that bitch on your behalf.

Sully said...

1. Ainsley is beautiful...go girl, go!
2. That bitch can go fuck herself.

Jyl said...

Thanks for sharing the beautiful photo of you and Ainsley :)

Michelle said...

I can NOT believe someone would say that to you! How horrible!!!

So glad things are going good w/Ainsley. Love the pic.

Deanna said...

Wow! That's crazy!!!!!! You poor thing!

Beth +1 said...

If you'd have assaulted her I think any judge in the world would have let you off :) Keep that in mind in case you run into her again.
But really, who says something like that???

Beth said...

Really happy to read an update from you... and glad your itty bitty is getting stronger. The broad (best time to use this word IMO) who was badgering you in the NICU obviously has no social graces. Just hope that one day she beaks off to the person who didn't hold back like you did... maybe she'll end up with a smack to knock some sense into her. Take care of yourself and your lovely family.

Supermom said...

Ohhhh that picture you posted is JUST BEAUTIFUL. The video you posted made my heart smile.

Now as for the white trash whore that decided to open her vulgar mouth you should have kicked her in the baby maker.

Caz said...

I'm sending a giant flying head-butt all the way from Australia to that stupid asshat in the NICU. Un fucking believable.

I'm glad your little one is doing well.

Olivia is adorable.

ErinEvelyn said...

Guess what? That woman was just a reminder that you... even YOU, Jen.... a self-admitted b!tch - have your priorities straight. She made for interesting blog content, but beyond that, isn't worth your time. [Insert brushing dirt of your shoulder here.] You get in as much time with Ainsley as you can. Here's hoping you Neppers get a nice long string of good days. Peace.

Delenn said...

Wow. That is amazing what stupidity can bring out. Just wow.

clearness said...

Please believe me when I say that if you lived here or I lived there, I would totally hunt down that woman and kick her all the way into next week. She had NO right to assault you like that. She assaulted you with her words and that is NOT right at all.

Your littlest girl is so precious. Lots of love for her and YOU and the entire family.

Superstar said...

I'd have lost my shit long before. You're doing remarkably well.

Give feisty Ainsley a smooch from us in Kentucky. I'll down a beer or three in your honor tonight.

naturalmel said...

She's beautiful!

Don't worry about that evil heiffer, karma will take care of her.

Brenda said...

Wha??? I don't understand people sometimes. You should have used her shirt as a snot rag. Seriously. Ugh.

I hope your NICU days get better and better. Ainsley is such a fighter. And that picture of the two of you? Priceless. You can just tell that she is so content being in your arms.

Thinking of you all.

Amy said...

Eh. WT probably has 15 kids by 16 different men and is in the NICU every 9 months like clockwork because she drinks and smokes her way through every pregnancy. At least, that's how she is in my mind. In my mind she also has 3 strategically placed teeth and a teased bleach blond mullet.

Beer totally increases your milk supply. You should drink copious amounts. Cupcakes help also.

And your baby? Is friggin' cute!!

areyoukiddingme said...

Oh my - she is tiny. And beautiful.

And that idiot should be kicked out of the NICU - she's clearly the bitch in that situation.

Hoping for more good days - glad to hear that Ainsley is kicking some ass. Virtually holding your hand on the bad days.

Soapchick said...

Praying for all of you, and next time punch the bitch.

Go Ainsley go!!

Carolyn said...

Oh, that precious...

Kahla said...

Really, what can I say that the others already haven't about the whole NICU bitch? I seriously hate people. HATE them. I've always said I'm not racist because I hate them all. Why? Because they are inherently stupid. Sad thing is I'm a teacher. Anyway.

I can't even really imagine what a roller coaster this must be for you all. I pray for you daily. And Ainsley, and the rest of your family.

Ainsley is precious, that picture is priceless.

Mom of the Twinkies and Tot! said...

I cannot believe some woman had the gall to call you a bitch in the NICU. I seriously would have called security on her ass!

I'm sorry you had to have that sort of experience, at least so soon into all of this NICU stuff.

We had some rough patches in the NICU but it was with a few nurses who thought they knew my babies better than me when they had only had one shift with them. Let's just say my momma bear claws came out on them.

Don't feel like you can't stand up for yourself or for Ainsley. You can. You should have a social worker who will help you if need be.

I'm so glad to hear Ainsley is breathing on her own & feeding well. You never mentioned weight...I'm curious to know how big (or itty bitty as you put it) she was and is getting.

I still think & pray for you daily!

Mary said...

Percocet, cupcakes and beer will make a lot of bad things better, but seriously someone needs to smack that lady!

Your little Ainsley is so freakin' adorable. Hope the good days outnumber the bad.

Thinking about you all and wishing you well!

Kelly said...

Wow great picture, and love the dance moves of big sister! Sassing it up just like her mommy no doubt. Ainsley is beautiful, and looks completely comfy cozy to be near to you.

Hoping for more good days for you and the family.


All About the Augustins said...

Thank you for sharing the awesome video and the beautiful picture of you and itty bitty. I've been thinking about you lots and will keep you in my prayers! Love from Canada!

leahjane8 said...

Those idiots should remember that kharma is a BITCH. If they knew all the internet back up you had, they never would have talked to you that way. The picture of you and Ainsley is beautiful. Glad to hear she is doing well.

msonntag said...

I cried the entire time my first was in the NICU - seriously, non-stop. I was an epic train wreck. Of all the times in life you get to be an unapologetic train wreck and not answer rude bitchy people's inappropriate questions, this is for sure at the top of the list.

I can't believe Ainsley is already breathing on her own!! So wonderful to hear!

Steph said...

THAT Is the cutest picture I have ever seen!!! That baby is darling! Congratulations! I think about you every day and I hope you are doing well. Love your glasses, by the way!!

lena said...

Love the picture of your itty bitty. What a little fighter.

People are idiots.

The H's said...

wow, someone calls you a bitch in the NICU ?!?!?!?!
My wife says that makes her feel 'stabby'....
Glad to hear the little one is a fighter !

Kate said...

All else aside, what kind of person continues asking questions of a stranger who is *crying* for f*cks sake.

Mostly though I wanted to say that Olivia is adorable in that clip, the photo of you and Ainsley is precious and I can't believe she has so much hair!

Bree said...

This is horrible, but... Why does that horrible bitchy woman get her baby and you (or I) don't? I'm sorry. Ainsley is gorgeous. I'm so glad to hear she's doing well. Still thinking of you and both of your girls.

Emily said...

Ainsley is so beautiful! And she looks like one happy baby!

You're not a bitch (I don't think) I think you're honest. Some people can't handle the truth so they call names. But honesty is the bitch, not you!

Robin said...

Ainsley has your saucy spunkiness. She is beautiful.

Erin said...

The three most unbelievable things in this post:

1) White Trash Satan - seriously, who can form their mouths to make those words come out in that situation? How do people like that get to have babies in the first place?

2)Your daughters - so amazing. I mean, as expected, but still...

3)You, you freaking incredible woman - your blog is a gift everytime I read it. Thank you for existing and letting us all watch.


P.S. did #3 sound super creepy? Sorry.

Bekah said...

Jen, seriously, how do all the assholes in the world gravitate toward you just show you how assholey they are? There are simply no words.

Olivia is so freaking cute. Period. I love it when babies dance and also look at their own reflections in awe of their own awesomeness, so that video was pretty sweet.

I'm so glad that Ainsley is doing so well. She's so sweet and precious. She will be a handful with that attitude when she gets older, but thank God she has it. Your girls are lucky to have such wonderful and loving parents.

Andrea said...

Jen -

Thanks so much for sharing everything that you have. I've been thinking of you all for the last several days.

As the others stated... please let me smack that WT biatch DOWN.

In my NICU days, everytime I walked out of the place and had to leave my daughter there, I lost my shit, even on the 'good' days. Lost it ALLL over the place.

Thinking of you, feisty mama, and especially of feisty Ainsley. It is so so great that she is doing well. I hope she continues to make steady progress. Save all your fight for Ainsley, and Olivia, and the future postpartum poops. They're right, karma will take care of the mindless douchebags, eventually.

Next in Line said...

Its too bad that post partum poop didn't end up all over her.

And yes, Olivia rocking out made me smile.

Hugs for all of you.

Emily said...

I am so sorry. I am so sorry about your Sweet E. I have been sick (with effing Hand Foot and Mouth Disease... which adults aren't supposed to get), and haven't been checking blogs.

My heart is with you, at this time... which is hard enough to begin with when you have a newborn in NICU, and also have to deal with missing E. So, so sorry. This is just not right, in any way. Not fair.

I am a bitch too, so I get how the usual response to the white trash could have been. I know you must have been really hurting to have been 'nice' to her, to respond so politely. What an effing ASSHAT was she to ask you those questions? Then follow you?!! Let's chalk her up to THE QUEEN OF FUCKING STUPID. Okay?

Hang in there. Glad you have good times with A. She is a bundle of sweet, little cuteness!!!!

Luna said...

OOh man!I would have totally jumped on her.They would be calling security for me(in my mind)
Ainsley is beautiful.hang in there.

Jamie said...

I stumbled onto your blog today, and wanted to express my condolences. I can't even imagine your sorrow, joy, pain, and happiness. What an intense group of emotions to feel all at once.

You and your husband are a brave and inspirational pair.

Amy, queen of the world. said...

Dear you,


That is all,

Me. :)

Okay, not quite all. The rest of us NICU mommies understand. Once when my son was in the NICU, his nurse that day told me not to touch him because I would overstimulate him (he was not a premie... he was in the NICU because he had intestine surgery right after he was born), and I totally lost it. I don't understand the snot phenomenon either, but guess what? The NICU flimsy version of tissue doesnotcutit.

RaT Babies said...

Greetings from New Zealand :)

Olivia dancing with Mickey is adorable.

Ainsley looks so content on you having her kangaroo cuddle. Thank you for sharing.

That BITCH in the NICU, there are NO words.

Thoughts and prayers coming at you from the bottom of the world!

bir said...

Oh. My.
That's about all I can say really, that could be classified as nice!
I can't believe that you had to put up with such a stupid human being today. I seriously can't understand how someone who must have been able to see that you were crying, can not understand that all is not right in your world, even if she doesn't understand the extent of how wrong it is!

I'm glad that your little girl is holding her own, and pray that it's onwards and upwards from here. Beautiful pic of the two of you x


Mama Seoul said...

Terrible about those clueless people! I wish someone else had been with you so they could have punched them out and/or blocked the door to the NICU.

The picture is beautiful.

Do you have a Moby Wrap for Ainsley when she comes home? It can be used with very small babies and that way you can keep her close all the time.

I'm glad she is getting stronger and hope she comes home soon.

Steph said...

My first reaction about the NICU is to give you a hug, I'm sure you really needed one, not call you a bitch. But that's just me.

The pic of you and Ainsley is adorable. Has Olivia been able to see her yet? I'm sure it'll be soon if she hasn't. I know you can only handle so much at one time. You're doing a great job holding it together, altho you might not feel like you are.

Been praying that Ainsley grows bigger and stronger by the day and can come home very very soon!!

MagaliesGarden said...

A.) Olivia dancing = total joy!
B.)The people grilling you in the NICU: please let me find them and smother them in your snot. Cuz they deserve that and I believe that is why you created so much. To drown their stupidity.
C.) Your beautiful Ainsley...oh such a pretty little fighter. When she grows up a little more you can sick her on those idiots grilling you in the NICU. She'll say, "That's right, I'm DA BAYBEE, I be small but I gonna kicka YOU BUTT!"
D.) Keep your chin up, Jen. Nobody can possibly handle this with the strength, grace and honesty that you are. I am cheering for you daily, praying, too.
(Sorry for my lengthy post.)

Sam said...

OMG, punch that lady in her face!!!

Glad to hear Ainsley is doing great! Hang in there - you're doing a great job!

Blair said...

Ainsley is BEAUTIFUL. Just beautiful.

& I would have cut a bitch for you in that hospital.

April said...

Bad NICU days suck. And good or bad, the NICU as a whole is such a draining thing to go through. I'm sorry for all of the awful things about this for you, and I congratulate you on all of the wonderful things.

Melanie Mueller said...

Oh my goodness! I cannot believe that happened to you. The nerve of some WT people.
Love the picture of you and your sweet, sweet baby. And the video of your precious big girl.
Prayers that you continue to have more good days!!

Sarah S said...

I am glad to hear that Ainsley is being a little trooper. Sounds like she is a little fighter!!!

You are not the bitch in this situation, she is!!!!

I just want to come over there find that little piece of white trash and pound the crap out of her!!!

Valerie said...

WOW, that is a bitch move...who does that?

Let it all out...when my two were in the NICU I foolishly thought getting my hair done the day after I was released from the hospital would make me feel better. I had my baby shower to attend to that weekend (my two were born at 27wks and the shower had been schedule for when I was supposed to be 28wks).

Anyways, I was practically falling asleep in the chair as she was doing my hair and as I was paying an insurance nurse calls me and asks if I was suffering for the "baby blues." I wanted to say "I fucking just had less than 3 lb twins, what do you think?" But I didn't. Instead I stood in the parking lot waiting for my husband to pick me up, losing my shit. I was a blubbering idiot for hours. But it was therapeutic too.

((BIGHUGS)) I love the pic of you cuddling w. Ainsley.

Jennifer said...

1) Olivia cracks me up!
2) Ainsley is tiny and perfect. Just freakin' beautiful.
3) I didn't know you wore glasses.... What? I am the only one who noticed that? hmm...Sorry.

Love ya! GO TINY!!

Nic said...

Wow, what a bitch and I dont mean you! Cant believe she did not leave you alone. I would have been so mad!

Sounds like Ainsley is doing great! Hope she continue to be strong.

Tara said...

Wow, there are no words for that type of person. Ainsley is adorable.

Christa said...

I'm blown away at your strength, Jen. You're still hilarious in the face of tragedy and unbelievable stupidity. I had a visual image of all your supporters being present when that woman crossed the line, and we all jumped her and punched her in the taco. I'm hoping you smile today. I'm happy your Ainsley is doing well and hoping so much you're home with her soon.

Kelly said...

I just was sent your blog and wanted you to know I'm praying for your family. I can't imagine what y'all are going through but I pray God gives your strength and comfort. Praying Ainsley grows and develops and comes home soon!!!

JP said...

Moron management. So sorry that some people are just plain rude and inconsiderate and unobservant. Glad Ainsley is kicking NICU ass!!

Jamie said...

Olivia is so cute, and such an awesome dancer:) I'm sorry for the horrid woman at the NICU. I'm praying for you and Ainsley everyday.

Laura said...

Breathing on her own! and the PICC line almost gone! That's fantastic news! I am a proud NICU survivor, having lived there for three months with my babies so I know how big those milestones are. I am so glad to hear that Ainsley is a fighter. As for the words.

katman110 said...

That Ainsely? She's just gorgeous! I had to magnify the picture because, other than her teeniness, I seriously wouldn't be able to tell she's a premie. I keep thinking about her and hope all continues to go well with her...

And your bad days sound remarkably composed, if you ask me. You're a champ. But you don't have to be. IMHO, you should work on letting more of that snot out. It's exhausting as hell, but you've been through hell, and letting the snot out can be very cathartic...

As for that bitch, I totally get it -- that you didn't have the energy to just punch her, that is.

But if I had the energy, I'd tell her I'd just had two girls. Even if I weren't out to guilt-trip her and add that one died (which I probably would, because I'm passive aggressive like that) maybe it would feel good to mention her?

Negative Nelly said...

PUNCH her in the face next time! Or better yet, give me her name and I'll do it for you. What a bleeping bleep.

Laura said...

wow, i have a lot of emotions abt this post. happiness abt Olivia dancing, anger abt that whoreface who you should've just told Mark to punch out bc i bet he would've been ok with that, and sheer sorrow for your pain.

you are a trooper. still sending all the love i got!!

Shannon said...

Olivia is such a great dancer, what a fun loving beautiful toddler you have.

I hope you feel better after your first postpartum poop. I remember mine after my c-section and that was 17 years ago, but it felt as if I was shitting out a softball, hurt like a mother-f-er.

I love the photo of you and your beautiful daughter Ainsley. She sounds like she is a little fighter and she will be home before you know it.

Once you feel better and run into that trashy beotch at the NICU, I hope your true self shines through and puts her in her place.

Stay Strong!

Stephanie said...

I want to punch that White Trash b*tch. In the NICU? Are you serious? I cannot believe some people. I, too, am a very ugly crier, and it takes a long time to get my shit together once it starts.

Anyway, I love that picture of you and Ainsley. She is so precious. I'm so glad she's feisty and breathing on her own. Go Ainsley!

Hugs to you all.

Ms. J said...

You go be a bitch (um, except you weren't being one).

Ainsley is well served by having a Mama Bear who goes on the friggin' warpath whenever is necessary, both for her physical and mental health (and yours).

I'd like to personally offer to come beat THAT NICU bitch into a bloody friggin' pulp. Actually, it's more like I am beggin' to be selected for this treat. Pick me, choose me, love me!

Sending you many prayers for strength and peace.

Pyjammy Pam said...

Look at that beautiful picture! So precious!

I cannot believe that woman. I just can't. People suck sometimes. :(

Leah said...

I'm suprised at your will power not to smack her. And Ainsley is just precious.

Stace said...

I love the video! Too cute...and you're right. Impossible not to smile. :)

The good days still have a bit of suck in them, so the bad days are super suck filled.

Feisty is good.

Thinking of you, Mark, Olivia, Ainsley and your angel Evelyn.

Steph O. said...

Hi, I found your blog from Tanya at AgainstAllOdds.

That video is so cute! Is it just me, or did she think about booting Mickey off for a minute there? ;)

I am so sorry that you have to deal with idiots on top of everything else right now. If you see her again, have security take care of her. Ainsley is so precious, I hope your tiny fighter keeps getting stronger.

And, yeah, I'm never quite sure where all the snot comes from either!

j&k said...

So on my 2010 Bucket List I had 'Hunt Jillian Michaels (I am attempting her 30 Day Shred DVD)down and punch her in the babymaker'...My 2011 Bucket List is now 'hunt psycho NICU asshat lady down and punch her in the babymaker!'...Okay, I'm done with the angsty stuff, but even though you don't know me, I've cried right here at my desk for you. You and your family are in my prayers! Keep up all the hard work and stay strong.

Klizb said...

We ran into a couple of people like that when Elizabeth was in the NICU, too...I guess there is at least one everywhere, and it is even worse when you run into them at a really bad time. You did NOT deserve that. Next time you should hug them, and while you are thanking them for their concern and caring, wipe your killer snot all over them! NICU is hard and people like that just make it harder. Ainsley looks beautiful and she is a NICU ROCKSTAR!! Elizabeth was 6 days old when I got to hold her in the NICU for the first time, and I remember how intensely emotional and indescribably wonderful it felt. She is 10 weeks old now and at home doing well, but I remember all the worry and hope and fear and gratitude and love and relief and stress of the NICU. I never really understood the whole "NICU is like riding a rollercoaster in a tornado" analogy until we did time there. I hope Ainsley's stay is short and uneventful so she can hurry home to enjoy her big sister's dancing performances!!

Megan said...

Shame that chick to death next time you see her. There are times to take the high road, and there are times to totally say what needs to be said to shame someone else to make yourself feel better. I doubt you'd regret anything you say to her; I say have at it! I'm so impressed with little Ainsley; clearly she is a rock star. A snuggly one.

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry that girl was a complete idiot. Kudos to you for being the better person and not laying a smack-down in the NICU like you were probably very tempted to do.

Little Ainsley is a fighter - both she and her momma are doing AMAZING! Keep up the good work. We're all rooting for you.

terralhill said...

It sucks there are so many stupid people out there!! I can't stop thinking about you guys--your strength is amazing!!

Shannon said...

There's a special place in hell for that woman.

Another Julia said...

Oh my god. I am so, so sorry about your brush with that sh*thead. I am appalled at the cluelessness of some people. Moron management, indeed. (((Hug))). The rest of the reasonable world would have handed you a tissue, given you an understanding nod, and wished you and your little baby well. Argh. I cannot imagine that I would have had the restraint you had. Kudos, are strong and smart. Don't beat yourself up for the moments that you don't feel or appear strong, either. You are.

On a better note,
Ainsley is beautiful...she IS a NICU star! Olivia made me smile..way too cute for words!

Take care of are an awesome mom.

Chaim B said...

Have you found any NICU nurses you like? Has anyone explained to you that you can request a nurse to be your daughter's primary nurse (instead of seeing a stranger in there with her every time you visit).

I'm not sure if the nurses I liked are all still working there, but I'd be happy to give you names if you'd like! Contact Amy Combs for my e-mail and/or phone number!

Jamie Moore

Barefoot said...

Ugh, people. I'm so glad to hear that Ainsley is doing well.

As for the poop, I swear my first postpartum poop was more agonizing than all of the other parts of childbirth combined. Congrats on passing that milestone (um, no pun intended).

HereWeGoAJen said...

I hate those people. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I cannot believe humans that can walk upright could be so stupid.

The video is awesome and Ainsley is also awesome.

Ann M. said...

You're not a bitch. You're dealing with an awful situation the best way you can, and you TRIED to handle this woman in at least a courteous manner. I can't even begin to tell you how awful I feel that you were in the situation to begin with, nevermind how mad I am at that idiot.

Do whatever you need to do to get yourself through this. Cupcakes, beer, economy sized boxes of tissues, whatever it takes.

Parsing Nonsense said...

She's beautiful, Jen. Just beautiful, and for what it counts, she doesn't look pale to me. At all.

I fully support your right to cupcakes at any time and for whatever reason. Especially if you use them to choke the white trash lady who harangued you at the NICU.

Faithful Infertile said...

I am so sorry about that WT lady. As you'll soon figure out, NICU's are full of them! We encountered many, and my heart would break for their babies. We actually had one Dad that was trying to bring back his buddies that were drunk. Nice, huh?!?

Hang in there, Jen. Cuddle Ainsley every chance you get. I am 100% convinced that is why our daughter is the miracle little girl that she is today.

And I ugly cried in the NICU for DAYS after we lost Natalie. Passing her empty bed, someone mentioning her name, or for no reason at all. Cry all you want, Sweetie. You have every right.

Did they figure out why she was so pail? Did she need a blood transfusion? Marleigh had about 5 or 6 during her NICU stay.

Like I said before, if you need anything, please let me know.


Molly said...

Oh honey. I cannot believe that woman! HOW DARE SHE. If I was there with you (and I realize you don't know me, Hi! I'm Molly and I feel protective of you now) I would have very calmly in a scary icy loud voice told her to back the eff off. and then I might have headbutted her? Oy vey.

Aimee said...

amazing how there are assholes absolutely everywhere.

Go Ainsley!!

Sorry about the poop...

Christine said...

Our first was a little guy and fiesty too. Not nearly as tiny as sweet Ainsley, but born at 33 weeks and in the nicu for 3.5 weeks. He amazed the doctors and nurses with his almost complete lack of issues, ability to pull his feeding tube out no matter what they did to keep it in, and level alertness.

Our prayers are with your family and those caring for your sweet angel. May you feel immense love and support from all...except the bathroom lady - what a hag.

EB said...

I'm glad I wasn't there with you because I would've had to cut a bitch.

Ainsley's a beauty. I hope your NICU time is short and you get your family home soon. Thinking of you...

PJ said...

Ugh, people are assholes sometimes.

And postpartum hormones, they are a bitch.

And you're dealing with so much.

Cupcakes, narcotics, and beer. That'll do it!

s. said...

Chiming in to say that we should just line up all the stupid, insensitive assholes of the world and slap them in turn.

So, so glad to hear that Ainsley is doing well and hoping that your next postpartum, ahem, movement goes much better. All my best from Boston...have 2 cupcakes.

krlr said...

Everyone's already said everything I would have said so ditto... esp the part about breastmilk/beer & the primary nurse request. If I were a cheerful person I'd hope the other "lady" will later regret being an ass, because she presumably had a baby in there too? And we'll assume she was temporarily insane? But, um....NO. It was probably the meth.

Am sending sosoososoososoosoo very many good wishes.

Shelly said...

I'm not sure how you have it in you right now to be funny but you have me crying and laughing all at the same time. Hang in there.

Danielle said...

I just want to say that after everything you still have the ability to make people laugh and that might not seem like much, but to me, that makes you truly amazing. Even more amazing that I already thought. Seriously. You're inspirational and I'm glad Ainsley is a little rock star like her mom :)

Oh and you are Mother Freakin Teresa for not punching that NICU trash in the face.

Candice said...

I thin we should refer to that woman as asshole in snot from the asshole...seems suitable. Maybe she has lost her shit so bad she doesn't even know how to act human anymore...I don't know. Sorry you had to experience that!!

Love the pic, Ainsley is so precious and it sounds like she is doing great. We will keep up the prayers!!

Losh said...

Those people sound like complete fools - sorry you had to deal with morons like them at a time like this.

So pleased to hear good news about Ainsley - she is adorable and I hope she continues to thrive.

Take care of yourself, xx

Debby@Just Breathe said...

My heart aches for you. I cannot believe that someone would say that to you. People can be so stupid, she doesn't even know your story.

I am happy to hear that Ainsley is breathing on her own and gaining weight. Keeping her in my prayers.

lori said...

ainsley is beautiful.

you have every right to have beat the living shit out of that moron and her mouth. i am a wussy, slow-to-anger sort, and i was ready to go rounds with my computer monitor reading that story. i'm also a firm believer in karma, but the wussy side of me hopes that the karma miss white trash created doesn't come back on her, b/c it's going to be seriously shitty.

Greta said...

Way to go Ainsley! Keep it up girl!

Dana said...

Ainsley is amazing! I love that she is showing everyone just want she is made of. She is one strong little girl, just like her Mom.

I can't believe that woman who called you a bitch! Who follows a woman who is sobbing and keeps asking questions. I just don't understand some people.

La La said...

When my babies were in the NICU there was a "no talking to the other parents" rule. We would just smile and nod. It was a good rule. ((hugs))

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

it really may be time to cut a bitch. i'm just saying.

sending you good thoughts all the way from israel...

Courtney said...

I have been praying for you since I saw your post. I was due 2/24/11 with our first child and overnight came down with PIH w/ HELLP and delivered our baby girl at 28 2/7 wks. She was deemed fisty and with attitude as well and had to be on the vent for 10 days, which measn i couldnt hold her and is now 34 wks. Your beautiful girls as well as you and your husband are in my prayers as the walk through this time is so hard, and the NICU is such a rollercoaster. Praying daily!