Thursday, December 16, 2010

Blizzy, Thankles, Reprieve. Oh my.

I had really good intentions of  updating right after my appointment on Monday.  Like, really good ones.  It was a blizzard (we got, I think, 10 inches of snow, on top of the 12+ inches we got last weekend) and so I figured I'd use that as a great excuse to curl up with a warm beverage and my laptop and just update the shit out of my blog.


I was worried about our tiny twin.  This always happens.  I leave a good appointment all high.  Yay me!  Mah uterus is badass and mah baybees is beeger!  Mah shit smells faintly of roses and fruit punch Gatorade!  You wish you were me!  I love cheese!

But then, a few days later, I'm all mah uterus is doomy and mah baybees probably isn't beeger!  Mah shit actually smells really...shitty!  Woe is me!  Cheese is all I have left!

So that's why I decided that I'd keep my appointment during the blizzy and just make sure that both babies were behaving.  This gives you a good idea of the road conditions:

The turnpike, which is usually the first road to be cleared.
 It took me triple the normal time to get there, and I figured it would be really fun to have my blood pressure taken after that drive.  Plus, I was really excited to talk to the doctor about my ankles.  Which have been upgraded from Cankles to Thankles, seeing as my calves are so swollen that they are the same width as my thighs.  When I wear normal socks, it basically cuts off my circulation, so this picture doesn't do it justice.  But it's all I have as proof of Thankle status:

My toes have more rolls than a bakery.
Yes, that's a picture of me, watching Mark assemble our THIRD new TV (the other two we bought were defectiveish).  We've had several debacles related to our newly finished basement and our newly purchased furniture and electronics, and also I broke my iPhone* and wasn't eligible for an upgrade and thus had to pay full price for a new one which is OK because clearly I AM MADE OF MONEY AND SAUSAGES AND GODDAMNED RAINBOWS.

But anyway, my blood pressure is normal and I am not peeing protein and so my doctor was less than impressed with my Thankles and the fact that the only shoes that fit are Crocs.  You know how I feel about Crocs, and now my doctor does, too and he didn't even need to see my exposed ass to learn how I feel about Crocs.  Dr. Stewart FTW!

Here is a picture of me, in public, wearing compression hose** with Crocs (fur lined!  with Jibbitz!) and pajama pants:

I was tempted to wear Mark's shirt that has a picture of a wiener dog and says,
"Have You Seen My Wiener?" because that's what I wear now every day at home because none of my maternity clothes fit anymore.
I'm saving it for when I go totally insane, which should be in a week or so.
I can see the news reports now:
"Woman In Wiener Shirt and Crocs Goes on Eating Rampage in Target."***
The babies were looking pretty freaking awesome at my appointment!

Hog Baby: 2lb 10oz.
Tiny Baby: 2lb

Tiny baby actually grew more than Hog baby this week.  Yay for eating cheeseburgers, tiny baby!  Her fluid is totally normal and the doctor thinks that she bought us another two weeks at least before we need to talk delivery.  I'm 30 weeks today, so that will put me right at 32.  Good, good, good news!

I'm still going to the doctor every week, and now we are adding in two nonstress tests per week to keep a close eye on them.  But as long as the nonstress tests look good, we aren't even going to do another scan until 32 weeks.  Fingers crossed!  My first test is this afternoon! 

In addition to my three appointments this week, I'll do my glucose test (to determine if there will be a return of the Wilford Brimley to this blog) and a bunch of blood work.   And I have to go to the regular doctor because either someone shoved a knife in my ear, or I have an ear infection.  Or the swelling has moved from my Thankles to my ear.  So many possibilities!

A bunch of other stuff happened with my Outside Baybee, better known as Olivia the Febrile Seizure Champ, on Monday.  I'll just save it for another post.  But she's good too, and she's actually in her bed yelling "MAHM!  MILK!" right now. 

Happy Thursday!

*My fingers?  Also fat rolly sausages.  I totally butterfingered my phone and just dropped it for no good reason at all.  Carpal tunnel + sausage fingers = broken iPhone (squared).

**Thanks for the suggestion, but even compression hose can't contain the power of the Thankle.  All they did was make it more painful to take my socks off.

***I really need to get my caption length under control.


One Year Ago:  10 Months: You know who else can do that? My Cat.
Two Years Ago:  Too Sweet for My Own Good
Three Years Ago:  Lazy blogger has no post.  :)


raisingmiles said...

THank goodness THor THankles are not a sign of the 'Beetus quite yet.

YAY for growing babies!

And I thought the caption should be "Woman in Weiner Shirt and Crocs goes on Weiner Eating Rampage at James Coney Island". To fit with the theme and all....

Charbelle said...

First, thankful that tiny baby is good good good!!! I rarely comment but I LOVE when you post and you always make me smile!!!
WOW glad you got pictures of your Thankles because after this no one is going to believe you without photographic evidence!!
Wishing you all the best thoughts for the next 2 weeks and healthy babies!!!

Sally said...

You deserve some kind of pregnant lady award. Good job keeping those little people in there so long. Please post more pictures of the thankles, they are hilarous.

Steph said...

Oh dear, I hurt for you and your legs. Wow, the babies might be here in 2 weeks. Hoping maybe 3 or 4, but I know we take what we can get. Yay for growth! You're doing a great job for those babies!!!

AJ said...

Yay for growing babes! Keep 'em cookin' Mama.

*~*Lis*~* said...

great job cookin' those babies!

and great job making me spit coffee on the screen

Jaci said...

I love your Crocs. I can just picture you saying, "I have to wear these? Then FUCK IT!" as you stuck the flower on.

But don't stop there. COVER THEM in ridiculous Croc crap like it's 1994 and you have your entire keychain collection dangling off your LL Bean bookbag. :)

ELHS! Woot!

Ms. J said...

Just for you, just for shits and giggles, I direct you to the "DIABETUS" REMIX!!!

Get dancin, baybees!

Pyjammy Pam said...

that is FANTASTIC news! i too, could only wear crocs at the end. they were like mary janes, and they left deep indentations across each foot. sexy.

so so so glad to hear the girls are doing well! yay!

JB said...

Ohmahgawd, the Thankles. I totally had those and I only grew one baybee. And it irked me to no end to be told "that's normal." THAT IS NOT NORMAL. I swear that I could have walked (waddled) into my doctor's office with stigmata and a tail and they would have said, "oh, that's normal. What are you, third trimester? Yeah, about 10% of women grow a tail in the third trimester." Boo.

Just mold your ass into the couch and let Mark wait on you hand and foot (well, hand and Thankle). For added amusement, ring a bell when you want service. He'll like that. And ask him over and over if he's seen your wiener.

Laci said...

I friggin' love reading your blogs. SSSSOOOOO hilarious! Glad to hear the good news!

Allison said...

Only you can make all this so hilarious. I love your blog.

And I'm so happy you're doing well! Go Tiny baby, go!!!

areyoukiddingme said...

Can't you just skip the Wilford Brimley test? I mean, you know you need to grow some giant babies, since they're likely to arrive early, so if you eat some chocolate with your cheese every meal, why worry about it? (That was an awesome run-on sentence.) Glad to hear tiny twin is growing along with hog baby. Keep up the good work.

Nice thankles, too. When your skin feels like it's too tight, you'll know there's a problem. The only solution I ever found was no salt and elevated feet as much as possible. Good luck. Hope Olivia is OK and has no more seizures.

Jamie said...

Yay Tiny Baybee.

On another note related to Olivia. Not long after your post about Olivia and her febrile seizures my son was sick. He was sleeping in our bed (I know bad me) and he started making a funny tongue clicking noise in his sleep. I immediately knew that he was having a febrile seizure due to reading your blog. I was still spazed out and we promtly went to the ER, but it helped that I knew exactly what it was. Now my husband can't give me a hard time about my blog obsessions, huh? Thanks.

*~*Lis*~* said...

I had to read The Big Shoe Shuffle again and man thats funny EVERY time I read it

Allison said...

I don't like to pimp my own blog in the comment section, but I had to commiserate over the swollen ankles.

Congrats on the babies growing! I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Noelle said...

I am delurking!! Yay for 30 weeks. I am so excited that mini twin is growing. Your croc pic cracked me up!

ks said...

Oh Man I missed you! LOL! You always make me chuckle! I can't see Hardy pants and not laugh! And now it's going to be the furry crocs and socks!

I'm so glad to hear that tiny baby is getting bigger! C'mon 32 weeks!!! And beyond! :) All my best to you!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Even in the midst of teh dramaz you iz funny.

Sending good thoughts that your babies keep growing and your Thankles don't!

And just for giggles, my word verification is 'bustses'; somehow it seems appropriate.

Courtney said...

Wow - tiny baby did some major catching up this week! That is incredible. Great, great news!

kharris said...

LOL...poor baby...your legs! Glad to see you are keeping your sense of humour throughout all this. Love your blog and sending good thoughts your way...yay growing babies!

Krisy said...

omg you make me laugh, thank you for that!! glad your bity baby is doing well!

Jill said...

Tiny Baby is a friggin rockstar, if not only a drama queen. 30 weeks is awesome. 32 weeks will be awesomer. Thankles are not awesome. Sorry!

Bekah said...

Hooray for good news!! Well, about the babies. Thankles and a broken iPhone totally suck, yo. But! Growing babies is good!

Susie said...

I had Thankles too! I just gave birth (via scheduled c-section) to my fraternal twins on Dec 7th. My Thankles were so big and painful- I was equal parts disgusted as I was fascinated by how big they could get. I'm happy to report that they are now gone- my ankles are back to normal once again! And even if they weren't, seeing my too precious babies in my arms makes it all worth it- I'd do it all again if I had to!

Greta said...

Whew, this made me simultaneously laugh out loud and cry for how swollen you are - PAINFUL!

Glad to hear the good news on the babes!!

clearness said...

Yippie babies! Keep growing and getting bigger and suck up some of that water in your mommy's thankles so she's more comfortable

Crazy Sister said...

Oh, your poor legs!

I'm so glad Little Twin is doing well.

Good Egg Hatched said...

1. Funniest post from you, ever, I think (not that they're all not hilar).
2. I love that I got the sausages and rainbows reference.
3. Sorry about the thankles but they make for good blogging and will be so worth it later when you have your gorgeous ankles back AND those awesome babies.
4. (and this should have been #1) So happy to hear they are doing so well. Wonderful news!
5. If doctor prescribes antibiotic for ear, ask if you can take probiotics too. That is my assvice to you and everyone I come in contact with, after I developed nasty GI infection from ill-advised course of antibiotic.

Yias Yias Girl said...

I think this might be your best post ever LOL. I am crying laughing so hard. Man, I love those fuzzy pink crocs. Oh but your poor legs!

krlr said...

Without sounding like the World's Most Serious person I am really really RELIEVED you've hit 30 wks.

And can talk about crocs again.

WannabeMommy said...

Great post! I've been wondering what the heck's been going on, and now I have my answer: thankles and sausage fingers. But hey, if thankles + sausage fingers = growing babees then so be it!!

Aimee said...

now i know why my life it so have taken all the excitement for yourself!

I'm sorry that your life seems to be of blizzard proportions, but glad that all is well with in utero and in vitro babies.

Good luck these next few weeks!!

Mariesa said...

I'm glad to hear everyone is doing well and that there is good news all around! Sorry to hear about your weather troubles. I have a feeling this climate change stuff is going to make winter pretty nuts from now on :(

Stacey said...

You have the sexiest thankles in all the intarwebz, for swearz. I'm so happy BOTH babies are at least two pounds and they get to stay a while longer!

Carol said...

I'm thinking that Teeny is going to overcome Hog Baby in size and beat her up! Or get everyone about which one is supposed to be big and which one little!

Heather said...

Yeah, tiny twin and your awesome ute! Glad to hear the babies are doing well. I'm so sorry about the thankles and how much you are swelling up. Hang in there.

Bree said...

I love that you are anxious and miserable, but you still have your sense of humor (for now, right?). Glad the babybees are doing well. Keep up the good work!