Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Pardon me while I burst into flames.

Oh my god, is it hot in here?
What? No? Hmmm...must just be me...

*rips off clothes and runs screaming down the street*

Yesterday the high was 45, and I rode the entire way home from work with my windows rolled half way down like it was July. You would think I was wearing a fur coat over a full body snowsuit, but I was really wearing a crappy Motherhood shirt and pants and was still giving my Secret Clinical Strength a run for it's money. I did not end up with pit rings but it was a nail biter there for several minutes.

The sweaty hog situation was not enough to stop me from going to the mall to get a dress for my baby showers. I bought a couple shirts to wear but went through much hand wringing over the not-cute-enoughness of them and decided to give in to the witchy ways of old Motherhood Maternity.

The Motherhood Maternity love-hate relationship? It continues.

I bought the first dress I tried on. It's cute and I like it. But I wanted to also buy some maternity tights, because I like to wear tights and I don't care if they make me look like I'm in second grade. So they had 2 sizes: A/B, and C/D. Of course you can't try them on, because MM is a whore. The dirtiest kind of whore, who doesn't allow returns.

The sizing chart was something like this:
Size A/B: 5'0" - 5'4", 100 - 140 lbs.
Size C/D: 5'5" - 6'0", 140 - 200 lbs.

Now. I don't know how to read this...is it your prepregnancy weight? Or, your current weight? Because my height is clearly in the A/B range, and my prepregnancy weight is also in the A/B range. But my current weight is creeping into the C/D range with 2 months to go, and strangely enough I have not grown 5 inches to accommodate the extra poundage. Huh.

So I ask the lady if the weight ranges are prepregnancy or current, and she says, "I dunno, lemme see..." and then after a 10 second examination, she declares, "Current weight!"

Hmmm...I feel an argument coming on. I almost start to feel bad for this lady...

My opinion is that the ranges must be prepregnancy weight because:
1.) Their clothing sizes are prepregnancy. If you were a small before, you buy a small now,
2.) Just because I have gained 19 pounds does not mean that I can wear the same size tights as someone who is 5'8". I mean, it's like trying to put one of Santa's elves into the uniform of a sweedish volleyball player. Not.happening. It's not like the 8 inches of fabric is absorbed by my sheer will to wear $14 tights.

Her opinion is that they must be current weight because:
1.) Hi, I don't care if this tights-sizing theory is not consistent, I am telling you that these are current weights and even though I am probably wrong, I am not giving in. Just buy them!
2.) Your belly will absorb the extra inches!

She was not dazzled by my prediction of bunchy ankles and a waistband up to my shoulders. I was not dazzled by her logic of several disappearing inches of fabric. It was disappointing because I really like winning arguments, and she just kind of copped out by saying over and over, "your belly will accommodate the extra fabric."

No tights for me.

Just as well. They'd just make me all sweaty anyway.


Jeanne said...

Visiting from the SITS roll call....

The folks at MM are not all that helpful, considering the prices they charge, are they?

Love the picture below the previous post -- you look adorable pregnant!

PJ said...

Tights that bunch up around your ankles, lovely!

I'm considering buying a bella band already! Is that shameful at five weeks? I don't know if its IVF bloat or holiday eating but I already seem to have issues! Sigh...

Hey, did you see that the Duggers had their 18th baby? Ugh!

Have fun at your showers!!!

PJ said...

Tights that bunch up around your ankles, lovely!

I'm considering buying a bella band already! Is that shameful at five weeks? I don't know if its IVF bloat or holiday eating but I already seem to have issues! Sigh...

Hey, did you see that the Duggers had their 18th baby? Ugh!

Have fun at your showers!!!

Calliope said...

oof! I hear ya. I am in the weird Amazon body camp. Meaning I am TALL and weighed more prepregnancy than I do now. But at least the things that seems to be expanding are my ankles...so maybe those tights would be perfect for me. IF I wasn't so effing HOT. I would LOVE me some 45 degree weather to run around in...sigh.

Rebecca said...

I really don't like MM. There return policies are non-existent, their clothing is low quality and it pills like crazy. However, unless I make a trip to a different mall they are my only option at the mall next to where I work.

areyoukiddingme said...

I love how all the pregnancy clothing is designed to be worn in two layers. Yes, the really attractive shirts cut down to where your belly button used to be, requiring a cami for modesty. Hmm, whose brilliant idea was it to put more clothes on a very hot woman?

What about some thigh highs? I know they're not tights, but you could probably approach the correct thickness...

Mel said...

I actually did wind up with sweat rings yesterday. I was mortified. I am so hot and always breathing heavy like a dirty old man! Oh well!

I hate MM. I went in the other day to get some sweat pants and the cashier wouldn't leave me alone and she sang the entire time I was in there. I wanted to hit her. I have started shopping at Mimi exclusively when I have to have something. I got two pairs of tights from there for the holidays, both in the biggest size they had and they fit great!

Anonymous said...

The tights at MM are probably pregnancy size. I bought pantyhose there in pre-pregnancy size (like everything else they sell there!) and when I got them home, they didn't fit. I found some teeny-tiny print on the package that said you should buy in your pregnancy weight!

Rach said...

Remind me NOT to buy tights anytime soon. And personally, I agree with your argument!!

shiduri said...

just to give you a little perspective, by the time my baby girl was born, i had gained 70 pounds.

incidentally, i lost it all within 5 months - no dieting/exercising. just breastfeeding. seriously.

JenM said...

Okay, personal opinion, I'm pretty sure you need the small size. Tell me what pregnant woman is 5'0 and STILL only weighs 100 pounds? Those are the kind of people that would be too skinny to get pregnant in the first place.

I LOVE the shot your Mom took :)

Jill said...

I agree with your argument completely. I hate tights that bunch up around the ankles- no fun! I haven't purchased anything at MM yet, but I think it IS a whore. I wish we had more options! Happy New Year, Jen.

Stephanie Espo.... said...

You are such an inspiration! I found you thru SITS...and now I can't stop reading! I am struggling with infertility...and you give me hope! Thank you!! :o)

Mama Seoul said...

The Motherhood tights suck! The size chart is for your pre-pregnancy weight. I bought both sizes. My pre-pregnancy weight was 110 and I am 5'4" but size C/D killed me when I tried to wear it. It was way too tight on my belly. I am saving the tights for post-partum.