Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Jen's Top Ten Things That Suck

So, Mother's Day sucks, and a think a large number of people who read this blog will be inclined to agree. It hurts, it's sad, it blows a big fat fatty.

Do we love our mothers? Well yes! We do, we love them a lot. Thank you, mom and mother-in-law, for birthing us, we are sure that sucked a lot (although neither of us would know from experience, obviously) and thank you for all of the bullshit you've had to endure over the past few decades. And we're sorry for the following things: the times we yelled "PICK MY BOOGER!!!!!" in public, told our teacher that dad called the dog Peter Draggin because he had short legs, said that we got our haircolor from the milk man. And also for the time you made that delicious corn casserole, and we snuck out of the house and dumped it in the yard so it looked like we ate it. Sorry for all of that. Really.

Since I did recently "out" myself by sending my blog URL out to the masses, maybe I should illustrate the pure suckage of Mother's Day to those reading now who are so fertile they can just look at a man and become pregnant. In list form, because I love lists, and I think this list can put the fatty suckage into perspective.

Jen's Top Ten List of Things That Suck

1. Asian Bird Flu

2. Mother's Day*

3. Paying Taxes

4. Close Talkers

5. Times I Fell Down (In Public)

6. Biting Into Fatty Chicken

7. The Word Panties

8. Onion Body Odor

9. Cotton Balls

10. Pink Eye

Please Note: This list is subject to change on a minute-by-minute basis.

*Click here

for more profoundness...


jmg said...

For me could you add, people that finish your sentences? For example, "I'm going to go back and wash the doughnuts," said in unison.

Bon said...

Jen - I love your blog(s)!!! You make me laugh and I really need a laugh. We're onto 13 months infertile and I'm on that roller coaster of emotions you describe so well. I f*ing hate pregnant people too! ;)
You can stop by my blog, if ever you find the time www.scrambled-eggz.blogspot.com

peesticksandstones said...

Oh yes! Yes! May I add a few?

Back Fat
Urinary Tract Infections
Pregnant Ladies at my Gym

Jill said...

Jen--I agree, I'm not looking forward to Mother's Day either! You crack me up (as always) with your top ten...too funny!

Emily said...

How about Close Talkers that have onion b/o?!? Could it get any worse really? :)

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more! Love both blogs! Stephanie

seussgirl said...

Ha - I thought I was the only person who hated the word "panties"! They're "underwear," people! :)

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog today. You make me laugh SO much. You might make all of this easier to go through.

My dog had pink eye last week, the same day I got my period. I hate pink eye.

Anonymous said...

maybe if you just relax.....thats a great title for a blog! I know exactly what you mean, im sure many others going through infertility do too. If you ever wanna chat, join me on www.fertilitydiaries.com

Marlena x

Denise said...

You are so right, mother's day is so hard for people like us. They might as well call it "fertile's day."

sarah said...

Dont' forget garlic farts.

Anonymous said...

Hello all...

I googled the phrase "mother's day sucks" and came across this blog.

I too despise mother's day but for a much different reason. I grew up with a mentally, physically and emotionally abusive mother.

She always told me the biggest mistake of her life was having children and to this day, I wish she had chosen not to. I'd honestly rather not be here than to have endured that childhood and to still be suffering the consequences of it every day of my life.

Anyway, the point of this rambling comment is that I do very much hope that all people who truly wish to be mother and fathers have that chance. I wish you all the best of luck and my thoughts are with you.

Amber said...

cotton balls would probably come at about #3 for me - I'm thrilled they made your list!

Amalia said...

Well said.