Thursday, March 6, 2008

Oldie but Goodie, I think.

I was reading through my super secret bitching blog entries, and I found this one. It happened over the summer…here it is:


Nosy to Epic Proportions:

My neighbor thought it a great idea to ask me when we are planning to have kids. And she would. Not. Drop. It.

After her fifth inquiry (nope, not an exaggeration), clueless mc can'ttakeahintyson got a bitchy response from me.

Clueless: When are you guys going to start this drama (with a suggestive eye rolled toward her two adorable children who were playing in my yard and making my dog pee all over himself)?

Jen: Ohhh...heehee...I don't know! Also, did you guys get your property tax eval in the mail? Because if I can't change the subject right now I may have to hit you with my infertility knowledge which you will. not. like. Plus we have a dog, and he's our baby...

Clueless: Oh well you just can't imagine how great it is to have kids. It's so much more fulfilling than having a puppy! hahaha! Can we come in your house and see your new paint?

Jen: Sure! Blah blah blah, would like to get new carpet because the construction company must have used el cheapo carpet from the Goodwill.

Clueless: Ah, yes, but you will want to wait a few years after you have babies because they seriously mess up your carpet. When are you guys going to start trying?

Jen: What Mark? Oh, yes, sure, let's show them the basement. And we will probably finish this in like 5 years when our assholes heal from the raping we took on the deck and shed.

Clueless: You would love a finished basement when you have kids! Are you trying now, and also, should I just take this switchblade and shove it directly into your heart, or do you prefer eyeball stabs?

Jen: Ummm...uh...well, yes, we will probably need a second living room when we have a family. Shall we go upstairs?

Clueless: Ohhh, this bedroom will make the perfect nursery! When are you going to fill this room with a baby! wink, wink!

UberBitchJen: Well, actually Clueless, we've been trying for almost two years to get pregnant and we're actually having quite the struggle with infertility, so that whole baby thing isn't really going as planned, so....

Clueless: Oh. Well. Um, sorry. About that. So, we're probably going to head back over home now. And, we'll see you...tomorrow? Or sometime.

Jen: Unnnnncomfortable....

Clueless: KIDS! Let's go! We don't want to catch infertility! Ack!

Jen: That'll teach ya. Stupid fertile.


Io said...

This totally cracked me up. People make me want to stab my eyeballs sometimes too.

PJ said...

How obnoxious!

the Babychaser: said...

Did I ever tell you about the time that my infertile co-worker got caught in just such a conversation with our oh-so-nosy secretaries and I totally BAILED on her?

She and I had just come out of the ladies room, where we had had our very first discussion about infertility (I'd suspected she was infertile for a long time, but she's very private and we'd never talked about it). We went out to the water cooler (I know, so cliche) together, where she got TRAPPED by four secretaries showing grandbaby pictures. "When are YOU going to start trying?" I heard them ask as I quickly backed away. "You know," she said sweetly, "when it's time." "You can't put it off forever," one of them admonished her, and the others chimed in their agreement.

I gave her a little smile, then totally bailed. Not nice, I know, but I couldn't save her. Why should I go down with the ship?

Anyway, this HILARIOUS post reminded me of that day. Good times....

Bev said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. I love your blog!

Hayley said...

Sigh...fertiles just dont get it.

You should write a book Jen! Your blog is the best thing I have read online for years. Found it last week and spent the night laughing my arse off, DH kept asking me what was so funny.

Have sent the link to your blog to a couple of my infertile friends, who have become as big a fan as I! We are in Australia too, so your audience is becoming international!

Jen said...


Thank you!

casicola said...

Yes Yes...I too am a fan. I laugh and laugh at your blog.

So thanks....thanks from all of us who need to laugh.

Your the best:)